Almost literally as soon as I turned away from the computer and turned my mind to other things, my anger had largely dissipated.
I think my biggest frustration is that I am so incredibly passionate about my subject matter, I *KNOW* it pretty damn well, I intend to bury myself into this project and make it an absolute nuclear warhead of a presentation, and I also truthfully want to set such a standard that no one after me will be able to do as well. I want to make it look like I've been working on this for years, not days.
Yes I have an ego. It's partly because when I see other people doing something that I know I could also do, only FAR better, I get angry when I'm not able to do it, whether due to reasons within or not within my control.
In this case I feel it's more the not my control kind of thing. I had been prepared to blow this audience away (and make the event look damn good too), and now I was basically being told 'you can't, at least not anytime soon'. That's not too much different than telling a nerd who's been camped out infront of a comic book store for a week that the comics were cancelled by the manufacturer and aren't coming afterall - ever. You've already waited, put in your time, shown your dedication, and you get nothing but embarassment to show for it. Kind of like the time in high school when this girl said she would call me and didn't, and I foolishly admitted that to some cool kids who promptly and mercilessly made fun of me cause I'd probably be a virgin for life (wrong! ha!).
Anyways... once again I am trying to maintain a new habit. Rather than get competitive or cutthroat/backstabby, I am going to try and take the high road, figure out some way to make something out of my efforts, and if I can't do it the 'nice' way, then I'll pursue my other options.
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