I know I've been really busy lately, hardly home, hardly time to do much that I want to do, and I know I'd gotten used to it, but now, when I get to a full weekend and can actually RELAX, I feel like I've forgotten how to. I don't want to just be sitting around not working, I actually DO want to work or be doing something productive.
I spent a couple hours working on something which was fairly satisfying, now I am trying to force myself to do some homework (which is less satisfying) and I'm thinking "gee, I still have a full day tomorrow to fill". That is the exact opposite of the thinking I've had the last few weekends. By mid-sunday I've been like "I need another day!". Right now I feel like I want to go back to work tomorrow.
I think that means I'm officially becoming a workaholic. But it's not just that I always want to be busy, I want to be busy doing useful things. I want to be working on projects, or learning new things that matter, stuff like that. I have been invited to a birthday party today and I'm admittedly kinda zonked already. I was thinking maybe I'd take a break from homework and go do that, but it's across the city and I don't know if I'm necessarily going to enjoy it so much. Plus I'm on the verge of a migraine here.
It really seems strange that I have a full day free tomorrow and I'm like "I need to FILL that". Like free time without focus is wasted free time. When I woke up this morning I had the idea to work on some music this weekend, but that motivation seems to have passed now. I have alot of projects I want to do, but I have trouble working on something without being able to really bury myself in it, and ideally get it totally done in one shot. But you can't completely develop a board game in a day, nor can you finish recording and mixing an album, or write a book.
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